Wednesday, August 22, 2007

Marketing Mishaps, Part Deux

I saw a sign on the back of a truck tonight that was attempting to advertise employment opportunities at the trucking company. It had a white stripe that was labeled — yes, actually labeled — "The Road to Success." Branching off the road to success was another line labeled "Exit to [Trucking Company Whose Name I Don't Remember]." I understand the intent of this sign; however, what this sign actually says is that once you accept employment at [Trucking Company], you are no longer on the road to success.

On a similar note, during the three days it took me to compile my previous post I thought of a fact I wanted to include, but forgot it before I reached a computer. A friend reminded me of it tonight, and I think it is a message too important to leave unspoken: electronic toys that say "I love you" are unholy perversions of nature. As such, they horrify me. No child of mine will ever own one.


Sunday, August 12, 2007


I got tagged. By Dan. And he lured me out of my apartment so he could do it without me knowing.

The Rules:

  1. I have to post these rules before I give you the facts.
  2. Each player starts with eight random facts/habits about themselves.
  3. People who are tagged need to write their own blog (about their eight things) and post these rules. (**if you’re a non-blogger, you can email them!)
  4. At the end of your blog, you need to choose eight people to get tagged and list their names.
  5. Don’t forget to leave them a comment telling them they’re tagged, and to read your blog.

And now, the news:

  1. I have really bad ankles. They are very loose, and have a habit of giving out at extremely inopportune times, often causing me to fall flat on the floor for no apparent reason. However, an ironic side effect of this is that I practically never injure them. A few weeks ago I rolled my right ankle while bowling, ending up flat on my face as usual (though I still managed to get 8 pins down). My leg hurt for a week, not because of any injury to my ankle, but because I apparently rolled it far enough to pull a muscle in my calf.
  2. I eat a peanut butter and jelly sandwich in exactly eleven bites.
  3. I find great enjoyment in the ridiculous and irreverent in nearly all areas of life. For example, ranked highly among the most entertaining gifts I have ever been given are a bass fishing action figure (the ultimate physical embodiment of an oxymoron), and a plastic pig (given to me on Valentine's day) that, for lack of a better way to describe it, poops jelly beans — chocolate flavored. Both currently sit in a place of honor atop my desk.
  4. I am a spectacularly deep sleeper. When I am deciding what time to set my alarm, I have to allow for the time it will take for me to wake up after it starts to go off. I also have to keep it at least four feet away from my bed, so that I am forced to get out of bed to shut it off. This is because I have, on at least one occasion, turned off my alarm, engaged in a conversation with my roommate, reset my alarm for a different time and turned it back on, and then laid back down — all without waking up.
  5. I can cross each of my eyes independently.
  6. I am strongly in favor of abolishing the penny. Pennies, much like the weights underneath my bed, are worthless pieces of metal that I pay for but which do me absolutely no good because I always forget to use them.
  7. Despite my name apparently meaning "God's gift," I have never been on a date.
  8. I know exactly one joke that is funny and I can't even tell it, because telling it properly involves more theatrics than I am usually capable of engaging in.

I am running out of blogging friends who have not been tagged already, but I will tag Sean, Amber, Trey, Sarah, Rob, Amy, Jonathan (not me), and Max.


Monday, August 6, 2007


Learn to broaden your horizons, day by day.

Thus read the "fortune" in my so-called fortune cookie tonight. I find it rather ambiguous. Am I to be daily learning to broaden my horizons, or is daily broadening my horizons the skill I am to be fostering? The first sounds repetitive, the second merely redundant. In either case, it is phrased in the imperative; if I am to be receiving orders from a pastry, is unambiguity too much to ask in return? On the other hand, it is at least readable, unlike this rather marvelously (and memorably) dysfunctional fortune I received several years ago:

You will be happy be receipt of good news.